One of my goals for 2011 was to establish myself as a "blogger". I like to read other people's blogs. I have ideas I want to share. I'm a writer without a particular writing forum at this time in my life. Yes, a blog would be a good thing ... or so I thought.I managed to make about half a dozen blog posts and then the whole project fell apart. I haven't added anything since September. In rereading my past blog entries, I'm very pleased with how they turned out. So what exactly went wrong with keeping up a regular blog?
Problem #1: The Editor that lives in my brain. Over my writing career I've made more off of being an editor than I've ever made as a writer. I can't just write something and not care about the spelling, the grammar, the imagery, the artistry of my language choices. This is why it takes me forever to write a story and I've never finished a novel. I edit my work to death. If there isn't the time to re-read, tweak, manipulate, massage, and look at my writing from all angles, then I can't sit down to write. Blogs are supposed to be the raw thoughts that just drop out of our open minds. My friends document their activities and record their thoughts in words and move on because tomorrow will be another day and another opportunity to blog. I need to relax.
Problem #2: The Butterfly that lives in my brain. I have focus issues. I shed ideas like skin cells. I start something and am easily distracted by something else. I am the poster child for Random Global. I heat the water and pour it in the cup, drop in the tea bag, and then walk away with every intention of returning in three minutes. Hours later I discover the tea cup with the very dark, cold, liquid and accompanying lumpy tea bag. So I take out the tea bag and reheat the tea. Hours later I open the microwave and find this cup of very dark liquid half evaporated away. By the end of the day I have tea espresso, or distilled essence of tea, that won't scrape out of the cup. Likewise I think, "That would make a good blog post. I'll sit down and write that. Oh, wait, the buzzer on the dryer just went off. I'll change the laundry then sit down to write. Oh, I should make a cup of tea before I sit down..." I need self-discipline.
Problem #3: The Flight Controller that lives in my brain. I love it when a plan comes together. I love making plans and schedules and timetables and setting deadlines. I am Queen of the Calendar and take great delight in filling in the week's to-do activities. I told myself I'd blog once a week and publish on Fridays. Trouble was, once I missed that first Friday (see problem #2 above) then I didn't feel like I could blog until the next Friday because that was the schedule I had set. You miss enough weeks and then it gets embarrassing to show up again. This is what exercise gyms count on -- you'll sign up with the best intentions, but after awhile not show up, then be too embarrassed to show up until your membership expires and you start in somewhere else. I need to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again without self-imposed deadlines.
So, as 2011 dwindles away and 2012 steps up in its place, the blog is back. It's a humbler blog, a more forgiving blog, a sadder-but-wiser blog. It knows it might not do any better in 2012 than 2011, but it's at least willing to try again.
